Well, if things weren’t childish enough

We took the turn back East yesterday and had a full on day of seeing odd crap.
And some genuine tourist sites,

Our first stop of the day was the Museum at the Indianapolis 500 track. It is such a superb location. The track hosts 300,000 plus for just eight events annually.

Kevin and myself can barely drive and know nothing about car racing. But we loved this venue. The remodeled space just reopened in April after eighteen months of renovation.

The day got less impressive from there on.

We stopped somewhere along the road for coffee and pulled pork and saw a giant candle. We were in a lot of “I” States yesterday and I got very confused.

As we continued along a badly congested highway we saw the sign for Uranus Fudge Factory. So of course we turned off.

Uranus is a gigantic ice cream, fudge and souvenir store centered around many variations of Uranus jokes. Definitely designed to play on simpleton tourists. We got a couple of ice creams, a pound of fudge, a key chain and stuck our heads out of animal’s arseholes.

Onwards to Springfield, Ohio and a genuine work of love. The Hartman Rock Garden is a folk art environment created by Harry “Ben” Hartman in the 1930s and maintained voluntarily since. This gem of a find is located in a suburban back garden. The intricate detail is stunning.

Lots of shitty driving back through shitty Ohio in shitty rain followed. Determined not to sleep in that shitty state again we drove on to Wheeling, West Virginia. Possibly a pretty town but we arrived too late and left too early to know.

We finished our trip today with a visit to Gettysburg. We both learned a lot.

We are both very happy and feeling quite accomplished for our big adventure. Kevin got to visit 15 States on this journey – that’s 30% of the Country. I’m now left with just Texas to drive, having checked off Nebraska and North Dakota.

Looking forward to more Happy Trails across this great country soon. Once again the world I saw out there was warm, welcoming and helpful. Peace Out!

Only Texas Left

It was onwards to Omaha, Nebraska. Kevin and myself managed to catch up with a couple of old friends who needed a little advice with their enterprises.

We wandered from the hotel to the Downtown Market area and happened on Hollywood Candy. It was another wonderful, bizarre collection of memorabilia combined with a massive candy store, a pez museum, a record store, a pinball hall and on and on. It was definitely a top find.

Warren is definitely beloved here. Yes – I bought the socks.

We continued our wandering to the Heartland of America Park. It extends down to the Missouri River. For a little culture we sat and listened to the Integration Orchestra of Omaha. I felt slightly less cultured afterwards. Beautiful park though.

We had one of the best meals of our road trip at Gather at Omaha. They grow a lot of fresh ingredients on site. Possibly the tastiest Gnocci I’ve had and excellent stuffed peppers.

Ah – childhood memories. Candy Cigarettes! Irish training.

Day 11 and we were up and out early with no plan except to head east and stay off the main highways.

Score! We happened on the location of the American Gothic house. When I was last there some years back the house was collapsing and old Hank & Martha were molding. Looks like it all got a facelift.

We crossed the Mississippi and had lunch in Burlington, Ohio. Kevin’s first time on the river bank.

Onward to Peoria , IL – birthplace of Richard Pryor. For those of you that do not know who he is, look him up. Pryor was the one that changed comedy standards

North Dakota & Nebraska now checked off, I have only Texas to drive on Mainland USA.

Nothing But the Kitchen Sink

Driving across South Dakota today, it struck me it is very similar to North Dakota, only not as far North. It was a straight shot through from Fargo to Sioux Falls. Lots of rain again but those big skies are beautiful when they shine through.

Kevin and myself agreed that The Old Courthouse Museum is the worst we have ever been in. “It’s like a fucking tour of my Nana’s kitchen.” I cannot disagree Kev.

In tents.

The museum, in addition to musty kitchen implements, featured a 1994 stereo and a buffalo.

We did have a nice wander around the falls and Main Street. A much preferable town center to Fargo, with a lot of brownstone charm.

Before I forget, the “C’mon Inn” Fargo was just odd. There were hot tubs in the dining area. My biscuits tasted vaguely of chlorine. I do need to remember the two scariest words in a hotel’s description are “Kid Friendly.” Lots of annoying brats running around the scrambled eggs in swim suits.

Back to South Dakota. COFFEA downtown Sioux Falls did serve one of the best Cappucinos ever. Top coffee of the trip so far.

Swans! Swans! Swans! I’ll explain when we chat.

We got back downtown for dinner at Bibisol. It served excellent nouveau Mexican, the best tostadas and empanada I’ve had.

We both agreed thd service and people we have encountered in South Dakota are nothing but friendly, upbeat and helpful. That lot in North Dakota were a miserable pasty lot. The warmest reception there was from a wood chipper.

Confession – I bought a lot of crap in the Fargo chipper store.

Next stop – Nebraska. My 49th State.

Swans!

It is Beautiful

We had a long old day of driving, it mostly poured. Kev’s Dad Len may have loved “New York in the Rain” but “Minnesota in the Rain” would even have worn on his endless optimism. Long. Flat. Wet.

We did stop in a couple of one horse towns along the way, where the horse would appear to have died. Firehouse Coffee did have excellent apple cinnamon scones. But the combination of barber shop, Friday morning gaming room for the elderly, Amish arm wrestling, syrup purveyor and coffee shop was a little too Lynchian for us. And it did not have damn fine coffee.

Kevin found a big fucking Viking and I got wet.

But OMG OMG OMG………OMG

All those thousands of miles, New York to North Dakota, Austin to Fargo through a Monsoon, led us to a decades long dream fulfilled. Here was Carl’s Bloody Foot!

“This was worth the flight from London,” Kevin blubbered through tears of joy and gratitude.

Let me just make a small point at this juncture. I know I constantly complain about bad Irish accents in movies. But the people from Fargo do sound like the people from Fargo. Suck it up Fargo.

Marge, the very helpful service provider at the visitor center, told us you can still find small Carl Showalter bone fragments embedded in the Chipper if you look carefully.

Straying from the Woodchipper for a Moment, we were drawn to our hotel by its down home “C’mon Inn” name. “C’mon Inn Through the Weird Fake Bushes in the Lobby” was taken. But maybe not everyone should shortcut from the pool to their rooms. Nice ass crack Hank.

We do feel a little taken in by the Coens. Fargo does not have the hometown feel we would have expected. It’s quite the metropolis. We dined tonight on traditional ND Korean BBQ.

Anyway, back to the chipper.

The Visitor Center also featured the Stunt Woodchipper who took on some of the movies more dangerous action. You may recognize it from smaller roles in Twin Peaks.

Next Stop – South Dakota.

They may want to fix the lights on that Fargo sign. Some communities are bound to get offended.

Spam Spam Spam Spam. Spam Spam Spam Spam.

We switched it up and had some normal and civilized activities in Madison. It is quite the buzzing and spotless University town, sickeningly healthy.

I guess they really love wildlife here, badger statues everywhere.

We did get to dine out with some good friends for dinner and lunch. We had some of the best sushi ever and this is coming from two food snobs!

Kevin fulfilled another odd fantasy and got a haircut in Milwaukee. I’d forgotten to mention.

As we continued our day of culture we visited the excellent Chazen Gallery. It has a varied but fascinating collection. Unlike some of our visits (RV) this venue is bright, open, welcoming and free.

Back to the weird shit.

We drove two hours today to visit the worlds largest six-pack in La Crosse. An experience all should experience.

But it was to be later in the day we visited one of the key destinations on our road trip.

Yes! The SPAM Museum in Austin, Minnesota – SPAM Town USA.

Though it may seem the strangest of topics for a Museum, this SPAM shrine is informative, colorful and just plain fun. It puts a smile on your face.

I will be telling everyone back in NYC to “Have a SPAMMY day” until I get the snot knocked out of me.

We both popped by the newly renovated Paramount Theatre – a charming old-school cinema and had a nice chat with some of the curators. It very much reminded Kevin of the cinema his mother worked at in Liverpool for years, back in the day. He was given a lovely personalized tour.

When in Rome. Big Greasy Thumbs Up for our first Culver’s experience. We are not always snobs.

Tomorrow is the big day. Our ultimate destination.

Walkies in Milwaukee

We have had a ridiculously active couple of days here in Wisconsin with unbeatable additional notches on the eclectic museum list. Theres a lot to see in Milwaukee.

After a couple of excellent drinks at Discourse Coffee it was on to my favorite venue to date, The Bobblehead Hall of Fame.

This magnificent collection holds over 10,000 bobblers with more being contributed each day.

And Kevin found Waldo and won a priceless sticker he can put on his laptop.

Confession – I bought a lot of shit at the Bobblehead store.

Dizzy from watching all that wobbly action, we staggered across the River to the Harley-Davidson Museum.

My father bought himself a Honda 50 back in the late sixties, crashed it the first day he owned it, sold it the next. Motor bikes not a great history in my clan. Kevin however is a motorcycle owner and enthusiast.

This is a beautifully curated Museum.

As we traveled along the River bank, to locate Fonzie, we somehow lost the river.

We did however locate Milwaukee’s Public Market – voted best in the country 2024 & 2025. Great Smoothie me (because I’m so healthy). Kev had an excellent Shrimp Po-Boy.

We finally found the river again. There is a wonderful walkway along one bank through much of the city. And we found The Fonz. Shorter than I expected. Fonzie is a childhood hero of Kevin’s. Because I grew up in a country with only one TV channel I never saw Happy Days as a child. But ask me about Wanderly Wagon and Forty Coats.

So today we took to the road and made our way towards Madison.

First stop.

Insert joke here about spicing up our trip. Our first visit of the day was the Mustard Museum in Middleton. It is definitely the finest mustard museum I’ve been in.

Confession – I bought a lot of shit at the mustard store.

Ok – WTF?

We went to the House on the Rock this afternoon and spent a couple of hours wandering through. It is truly the strangest place I’ve ever been to. It will likely haunt my dreams in some form for life. Impossible to describe or capture in photos. We could not possibly find anything else this strange this trip. Visit it!

We are in Madison.

Loving Milwaukee – full update Tomorrow.

Another off the Bucket List for Kev

We woke up in Shipshewana, Indiana this morning. These two smart boys turned up around South Bend the night of a Notre Dame game looking for a bed. No luck. We got a bed thirty miles away.

On the positive side, Kevin was very excited to discover that Shipshewana is the RV capital of the world. Having had itenerants in his neighborhood back in the day Kevin and his family are huge fans of the traveler lifestyle.

”I feel it’s a means of pursuing what ever your heart desires. In a roving Porto Potty.”

We found the RV Museum and Hall of Fame minutes from our hotel. Kevin lived the dream and put down a deposit on a used 1984 International Airstream.

Kevin fantasizes his photo will someday be there too on that RV Wall of Fame.

We are in Wisconsin.
One of my best friends, from the region, told me it is both traditional and lucky to have a tasty cheese snack first thing on crossing the State line.

To that, Kevin found Mars Cheese Castle. They boast 700 cheeses (cow shit). It looked like their idea of an international cheese import came from Indiana.

We continued on, avoiding the highways. After three States we finally located some lake water and a real lighthouse at Wind Point. It is a beautiful spot.

Onwards to Milwaukee and we are not slumming it. We randomly booked into The Pfister Hotel. We will definitely stay in this one a couple of comfortable nights.

Sticking with the healthy eating, we had excellent BBQ at The Smoke Shack downtown. They had the nicest staff.

Milwaukee shows lots of promise.

Kevin Rode An Ostrich

To start our day, we had weak Java in some creepy coffee shop/bookstore in a post apocalyptic looking Mall, downtown Cleveland.

Kev said he’d miss the Lake Erie view from his hotel room (back left).

It was a bit of a dump.

When in Rome. It was off to the Rock & Roll Hall of fame. Both of us are life long concert attendees. Kevin has the more impressive Resume dating back to The Clash and early punk. As my hair reveals, I’m New Romantic at heart.

Kevin’s attempt to have George Harrison’s guitar gently weep had the poor thing fuckin’ bawling.

So began our day of wandering. From there it was on to The Museum of Merry Go Rounds in Sandusky – a dream of Kevin’s since I first went there some years back.

After wandering around unsuccessfully to find a healthy snack for Kev, it was on to Port Princeton to see their world famous Lighthouse.

I’ve seen bigger candles. The Lighthouse was so useless it was closed after very few years. Sailors had to sail within seven feet before they could see it. Tours $3.

Having driven a number of hours around the backroads, looking for Lake Water, we decided Ohio was a bit of a shithole and headed to Indiana.

After yesterdays piggy binge we decided to eat healthily at The Chubby Trout in Elkhart, IN. We had excellent sushi followed by Tempura Fried Cheesecake.

Not sure exactly where we are staying now – but it’s both Amish Country & the RV Capital of the World. Stay tuned.